SELF HELP RESOURCE - Relationships / Couples

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Do it yourself

Don't ask another friend to convey the message for you, and preferably do it in person, not in a letter, on the phone or by e-mail.

Keep it private

Don't tell your partner while you are in a group. It is an issue between both of you. There is no need to divulge too many details to others even after the break up.

Take full responsibility

Do not blame your partner. Whatever your reasons for breaking up, you have taken the decision based on the fact that your needs are not being met in the relationship.

Be gracious

Part ways respectfully. You don't have to point out every flaw or mistake you can think of. If the person is angry, don't argue. Don't turn it into a session of insulting one another. It's best not to prolong the conversation.

Be very clear

While you need to be considerate of the other person's feelings, you do need to make it very clear that this is really the end. In trying to soften the blow, don't leave him / her with mixed messages or the hope that you will change your mind.

Don't break up in stages

Don't just suggest that you should see other people as well or spend more time apart, or just avoid answering the phone, hoping he/she will 'get the message'. You owe it to him or her to be direct. Think of it this way: It hurts less when you rip a bandage off rather than pull it off slowly.

Don't break up on a special day

It's cruel to break up on his/her birthday, an anniversary, Valentine's Day or any other special day. You will unnecessarily ruin this day for him / her for a long time, if not forever.

Take back personal items

If possible do this even before you break up. And keep any items of your partners together, ready to return.

Don't promise to stay in touch or remain friends

This leads to false hopes. Once you have broken up, stay away from your ex-partner. Do not take phone calls or answer messages. You may feel you are being very unkind, but in the long run it is better this way.

**As a safety precaution, break up with your partner in a public place

If by any chance he or she turns violent, this would serve as a safeguard. Avoid secluded places and do not do it at night. This is particularly important if your relationship has been at all abusive.Tell other people that you plan to break up with your partner and let them know where you will be.

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