We live at such a frenzied pace that sometimes we have time only for our work and barely manage to squeeze our family into our daily schedule. Our days are filled with to-do lists that never seem to end. Amidst all the hullaballoo of daily life we may find it difficult to stay in touch with our extended families even if they are in the same town. While our intentions of keeping in touch may be sincere, we may not be able to follow through every time. And if there have been challenges with sibling relationships while growing up, it becomes that much more difficult to maintain a bond through adulthood.
Sibling relationships can be emotional anchors for us and they somehow have a sense of permanency. It connects us to our childhood and so tethers us to our shared roots. Of course sometimes it is impacted by certain factors like negative parenting role models, preferential treatment of a sibling and dysfunctional families. Nevertheless after your parents, there is probably nobody who knows you better than your siblings.
It does need effort to nurture any relationship and the one between siblings is no exception. As we grow up we may drift apart from our siblings due to various reasons. We may be busy establishing our own identity, finding our niche at work or preoccupied with our own family. Whatever the reason may be it is important to make siblings a significant part of your life. Here are a few suggestions to enhance your relationship with your siblings.
Remember important events
Make it a point to remember all important life events like birthdays and anniversaries. If your siblings are in the same city, then make it a point to meet them on their special day. Share a meal, cook their favourite dish or just share loving memories of childhood. Make them feel special and an integral part of your life. If they live in a different city or country make sure that you and your family connect with them over the phone or skype.
Bond with their spouse & children
Your relationship with your siblings is to a large extent dependent on your equation with their spouse and children. You may have to take extra effort to maintain a healthy and positive relationship with your sibling's spouse. The fact that you are reaching out will go a long way in making your sibling feel that you really want them to be a significant part of your life and bring you closer. Include your sibling's children in your inner family circle and make an effort to get to know them better.
Plan a family vacation
Take the initiative to plan at least one vacation together with the entire family. A vacation is the only time that everyone lets down their defenses and leaves their daily stressors behind. This is a good opportunity to bond with your sibling's family and ensure that your children too form loving relationships. If there are geographical challenges in maintaining a close bond, then a family vacation is the best way to make up for lost time.
Be there for each other
Be the first one to support your sibling in times of crisis. At such times it is very comforting to have someone who understands you completely and with whom you really don't have to put up any masks. Weddings and other happier events too are great occasions to pitch in with your help and support.
Plan an outing only with your sibling
Plan a meal or a day together at least once a month with your sibling. This is your time exclusively for you and your sibling/s without your respective spouses. It is a great time to talk about shared childhood memories and happy times. Avoid contentious topics during such times. This is a great way to connect with your sibling and forge an enduring bond. On the other hand if you have had differences while growing up, here is a great opportunity to heal old hurts and move forward.
Work through childhood differences
Try not to allow ego to get in the way of resolving old hurts. Forgive your sibling and apologize for whatever you think is your fault. It may not be very easy to do this but do make the effort. Even if your efforts are not appreciated immediately, continue to do your bit. If necessary take professional help to work through unresolved issues and move forward. There is really no point in allowing bitterness and pride to impact your relationship. There is far more to be lost by perpetuating hostility. Remember, whatever the issues and the associated feelings, you were children then. Now that both of you are adults, you should be able to view things from a more mature perspective, and once you have spoken about it, you can let bygones be bygones.
Treat your sibling with respect
Respect and trust are two important pillars of any healthy relationship. Often we find that elder siblings continue to be patronizing to their younger siblings well into adulthood! It can be very annoying and instead of fuming inside or ranting about it to your parents, try sorting it out directly with your sibling. Gently point out that you are an adult yourself now and while you appreciate their concern for you, interference or patronizing behavior is not acceptable. Just as you respect their opinions and choices you need them to reciprocate the same sentiments.
Be a role model to your children
If you want your children to maintain close bonds through adulthood then you will have to walk the talk. Children are quick to pick up on these signals. If they find that their parents share a strong relationship with their siblings, it will help them forge a healthy sibling interaction as they grow up. You can also talk to them about your childhood experiences with your siblings and how important they are to you.
We share precious childhood memories with our siblings and this shared history forges a bond that is unique and timeless. Research suggests that the more we sustain and nurture sibling relationships, the more it protects our emotional health. So even if you have not spent time getting to understand your sibling, it is never too late to pick up the threads again and rediscover the magic of shared memories.
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